My Thoughts, Social Anxiety

Thoughts on a Train

While I was on the train with my classmates, staring out of the window and trying to avoid conversation as much as possible, four well-dressed students came in.

Immaculately dressed in heels or loafers, and all lugging suitcases, they settled in the rows of seats across from me, and I listened to their noisy, rapid-fire chatter.

There was one test question…complained the girl in the tallest heels, with a knowledgeable air- where he asked where the water in the bay comes from…but it depends on where he’s asking about…right? it could be salt water or fresh water or a mixture of both if…

To me, there’s something marvelous in a person’s ability to speak as cleverly and rapidly as they did. An ability that I sorely lack, of course;) but one that I wish for all the same.

I realized how much I wished to be like them.

I wanted to be able to talk thoughtfully yet quickly, be light and entertaining and fun and graceful.

I wanted to be able to have friends like them, friends that I could talk to and hang out with and travel with and have intelligent conversations with.

But mostly, I wanted their self-confidence. It was radiated through their chatter and their postures. They were self-assured and incredibly confident. I wanted their sense of independence, their ability to wander and stay in a hotel by themselves without parents.

I wonder if they realize how lucky they are to be gifted with a type of speech like that. I wonder if they are able to comprehend how much of a struggle it is for some people to believe in themselves, or talk even to friends.

I wish that self-confidence were contagious.

 

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