Poetry

Simply Unmeasurable

Love in measuring cups,

Friendship by inches,

Beauty by rank,

Numbers of wishes.

Percents on paper,

Letters too.

They mean nothing

Nothing about you.

Digits on a scale,

Always too big

Never mind that, never fear

They mean nothing

Nothing about you.

Rulers, tape measures, letters of the alphabet.

Measuring cups, meters and yards, pounds and measuring scales,

Meaningless numbers and letters are what they are;

They are not you.

Life, lovely and bright

Condensed into squiggles

Numbers flashing upon a screen

Impossible.

For do we make

That brilliant sunset

Into numbers?

Weigh kindness

Upon the scales?

Can we rob

Love of its dignity

And make it

Percentages?

Take the ruler

To your beauty

No, no

No.

Restrictions like these-

Numbers don’t define you.

Darling, love,

All those things that matter

Are simply unmeasurable.

You

Are unmeasurable.


C.

Cate

via Daily Prompt: Measure

My Life, My Thoughts, Social Anxiety

Call Me Cate, Not Cait(lyn Jenner)

*This is a very, very, very long post plus a rant at the end. It is best to read on the computer;)* If you find it too long to read in this format, you can also use this link to: Read on Google Docs

This post has been on my mind for a long, long time; mainly because this has affected me a lot and I want to make my views on this (controversial) topic known.

I’ve never really told this to anyone, and am slightly nervous of telling this, so I guess the best place to start is telling this to the public, with my blog;)

Today at school, there was one of those jokes again. As I walked to my chemistry class with two of my friends in tow, one male and one female, my male friend said something meant to be funny. I forget what the context was, but he turned to the girl and told her, “You’re Rose.” Then, he turned to me and said, “And you, C., can be Jack.”

Continue reading “Call Me Cate, Not Cait(lyn Jenner)”

Blog, My Thoughts

My Blog and Me: The Troubled Couple

Lately, I’ve been a terrible blogger.

I’ve procrastinated on posts and struggled to stay on my schedule of Monday and Thursday, run out of interesting post ideas and motivation, and have kind of simply thrown things at you. Last-minute, half-baked ideas as well as sorry excuses for why my writing is virtual trash, complaints about how I’m running out of time.

You’re welcome.

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(kidding;)

Now that I look back at my blog posts, I think that I’m pretty proud of them. Of most of them, at least. But I don’t think that I have enough of the content that I would like to have.

Even if the posts look alright on the surface, there is one heck of an ugly framework supporting it invisibly. A lot of nights procrastinating and freaking out and typing frantically while math homework lies by ignored, a lot of internal anguish, stress and pressure with the upcoming deadline, even if it’s self-imposed.

Not to mention the fear of not being good enough or being judged that comes along with the darling social anxiety. The blue PUBLISH button is something to be fought and conquered before being pressed, after the internal debate and whispers in my mind that tell me what I’m writing isn’t good enough, people won’t like it, I’m complaining too much, I sound too happy, I sound too depressed.

I’m ashamed to say that, more than once, I’ve thought things too depressing to be published. Talks of depression would repulse visitors and drive away views.

My blog, obviously, is supposed to deal a lot with depression. I’m freaking “A Girl and Depression”. A girl with depression too afraid to speak of her depression? A girl who hides behind her smile, sometimes genuine and sometimes not, in both the real life and behind someone’s LED screen?

Originally, my blog was created to deal solely with my mental health. But I never wanted to be restricted to one topic, to always just talk about my depression and social anxiety.

Then I discovered some amazing personal blogs, and I think that’s something that I want to do. It’ll take some time, but I’ll see if I can transition into more personal blogging- telling you more about me, what I’m up to, my thoughts on things. That’s when my goal for this blog was changed, and I introduced my happy side.

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But nowadays, my happy side comes in flashes, and I want to talk about my bad days as well. The real dirty, dark and gritty depression and social anxiety, the type that makes “neurotically neutral” squirm, what some people try to avoid reading. And I’m ashamed that I want to shield that side. That I want to bury part of the truth that so many others need to hear.

And for that I am sorry.

Maybe I’m too hard on myself (I probably am). For one thing, I really like the majority of my posts! My blog probably doesn’t seem like a mound of dung, because it isn’t (which is disputable:p) but this is how I feel from the other end of the screen. Looking back at my posts, none of them are as bad as I felt they were. But it was simply the process that completely stressed me out, and quite frankly made blogging a terrifying chore.

Promises for myself:

  • I won’t procrastinate, for I’ll post when I want, which is normally more often than just twice a week.
  • I won’t keep anything deemed too gloomy or too dark from my blog if I want to talk about it.
  • I will write more about me, and what’s up in my life.
  • I don’t like the inflexibility of a fixed schedule, so I declare its sudden demise at this instant.
  • I will write whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want.
  • I’m going to make blogging fun for me again!

To be completely honest, I’m getting an extreme amount of self-doubt about this whole post right now; I am resisting the temptation to dive back in and edit this whole post ferociously, and perhaps to even delete it. So if you see this post, I probably just clicked that blue button with my eyes closed, desperately quickly before closing my laptop.

Well, that’s it for today. I have to admit that I have a chemistry test tomorrow that I’m not prepared for at all, and it is 11:00 PM, so I really must go.

I hope that you have a fantastic day, all of you! Smile lots and have fun:)

Xx, C ❤️

P.S. quick shout-out to the amazing Adventuring Girl for teaching me how to insert GIFs! Finally…I’ve been trying for so long and it’s never worked 😂thank you, Faith:)

Post-itivity! (Motivational Mondays)

Post-itivity! Watching Jenna Marbles Making Her Dog Fly

I apologize in advance for the poor quality of my writing; I am writing this at midnight and scheduling it for the morning. Yip-pee yay!

Whenever I feel sad, I go watch YouTube, like most of my sad little generation;) and when I do that, I often watch Jenna Marbles.

Jenna Marbles is absolutely hilarious. She’s one of the YouTubers with the most subscribers on YouTube, and for good reason.

She pretends to be dead serious, and yet is hilariously weird and goofy at the same time, while doing fun things like a) making her dogs fly or b) braiding things that don’t belong in her hair into her hair and c) gluing rhinestones all over her face.

Her videos make me laugh out loud. That’s not simply an lol that you type with a completely straight face, no, I’m legitimately laughing at her videos because they are ridiculous. For example, watch this one on how to care for your cermet (her dog).

So there you have it! Two videos that I found hilarious, and will hopefully make you laugh.

HAVE A WONDERFUL MONDAY!

xoxo, c

p.s. what am I doing up at midnight? Idk, I’m stupid 😂 I procrastinated on this, on homework, honestly I’m procrastinating on life so I’ve got to pull myself together eventually. I promise that better posts are coming soon; I’ve already got one completed draft ready to go.

 

Depression, Social Anxiety

To Tell You the Truth; Post-itivity

Today, I simply did not have the time nor the energy nor the will to create a Monday Motivation post. So I didn’t;) 

I’m just exhausted. From homework, from stress, from anxiety, from depression. 

I think I need a bit of a break. I’m not sure if posting on a schedule is helping me at all, so I may or may not post on Thursday. 

If you would like to see my past Post-itivity, here are the links:

Post-itivity created by A Girl and Depression

Post-itivity! Something a Little Different

Post-itivity! Sailing on the Sea of Life

POST-ITITIVY: Life- You’ll Die Anyway

POST-ITIVITY: Failure

Post-itivity #1: THE JOURNEY

I think that trying to spread motivation while you’re low is exhausting, and I won’t do that to myself for views or likes or anything. 

I also do not want to be a hypocrite or falsely positive when I am not; I am depressed so I AM DEPRESSED. 😂 

Well, I don’t know what the point of this was, but it made me feel better. 

But I do suppose that not everything needs to have a point; something that seems pointless could be meaningful in the best way.

If that was words of wisdom or a strange rambling sentence, I do not know 😂  

Anyways, I literally have 50 pages of notes to take on AP (college level) European history. World War I was absolutely pointless, yet we have to learn about it anyway. 

Good bye, until I see you again; 

XO c ❤

Blog

Comments Going to Spam!

Hi all 😊

I wanted to write this quick post because I just discovered that some comments on my posts are going to spam!

I always reply to nice comments; if I don’t say anything there’s a good chance that your comment was sorted out by the program.

To try to avoid being sorted into spam:

  1. Don’t put links in your comments; that will automatically make the comments sorted out
  2. Spell everything correctly in your comment

So I am sorry if I didn’t see your comments until now! I will make sure to reply to them, as they are quite lovely..

I hope that you have a fantastic day!

XO c ❤

Poetry

Things of Beauty

The shimmering stars,

Suspended in the velvety night

The curves of the glowing moon,

And the mystical moonbeams that fall upon the Earth.

The clouds that make the deep blue sky rich, and

Water, the pure colorless beauty

Flowing over pebble, ebbing at low tide, sliding down rooftops,

Shattering into mist.

Butterflies, those winged beauties

Of finely spun colored glass,

That flit with a dancer’s grace, bobbing, twirling-

Regal.

Birdsong, lifting, swooping, undulating

As the birds themselves, through the air.

Flowers, with their delicate grace

Sway in the wind, as do the green blades

Of the meadow.

Time blossoms, mountains wear

But things of beauty

Are eternal.

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The things of nature are worth more than a million fortunes. 😉

I’ll see you on Monday!

 

Post-itivity! (Motivational Mondays)

Post-itivity! Something a Little Different

Hi all! 😊

Usually for Post-itivity, I find a quote that I like and write about my take on it, in what is usually a good-sized post.

Today, however, (or actually, yesterday because I schedule these) I said nah, I don’t feel like doing that today. Maybe because I’m lazy, I don’t know! 😂 But I really wanted to share some pictures that I took today with you, plus talk about spring.

Spring has sprung! At least, where I live. Although there have been bouts of rain here, it has generally become warm and sunny. All of the beautiful things of this season have arrived- flowers, birds, bees, sunshine, pollen, allergies. Amazing things, all of them;)

And with this sudden weather change comes a euphoria that snaps me out of depressive stages. I mean, I simply can’t not be happy with the sunshine and flowers and whatnot. Since I couldn’t resist taking pictures of all of the beautiful things that I saw, I have half a camera roll full of them, so I’ll share with you so of my favorites.

Wait, actually, besides my pictures of flowers and the sky, I do have something quick to say!

Please take time to find the beautiful things in your life. It can be as simple as going outside in the sunshine and taking an obnoxious amount of pictures! 

I found taking pictures a lot of fun, and I did get a lot of images that I can use for this post and later posts, or just to keep for myself.

These flowers are all from my mom’s garden, by the way:) and  the sunset is the view from my backyard, above the fence. Also, hint: I am not a pro photographer 😂

The perfect spiral of a calla lily-  with a name as pretty as the flower itself

Some orchids- they’re my mom’s favorite flowers! They’re still wet with raindrops from a recent shower…

I told you they’re my mom’s favorite flower. We have probably 15 vases of orchids.

Lemons in the sky. There’s a lemon tree in my backyard, and I decided that the best picture would be taken by looking straight up. 

Aren’t daffodils the best part of spring? They come every year.  A bit of my lemon tree in the background of the second one.

Pretty purple flowers; I do not know what they are called but I love them. 

A succulent. I love its colors, especially against the dark earth. 

A beautiful picture of the sky- clouds, blue, and our banana tree-looking palm tree. 

Now with a sunset.

Recognize this? This is picture I used for my Gravatar. Up at the top is a solitary star. (It rhymes! 😂) OMG YOU CAN ITALICIZE EMOJIS?!??

Have a fantastic week, all of you! I am set- this spring weather is amazing the flowers are beautiful and blooming and I discovered that you can ITALICIZE emojis! 😂 Wishing you a happy week;

Xoxo, c.
Ps. This is one of the most fun posts I’ve made! Taking the pictures was also a lot of fun. Maybe I should do more photography…

PPs. There may be one or two special posts coming before or on Thursday! Depends on if I have enough time…


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More Monday Motivation: Post-itivity created by A Girl and Depression

Post-itivity! Sailing on the Sea of Life

POST-ITITIVY: Life- You’ll Die Anyway

POST-ITIVITY: Failure

Post-itivity #1: THE JOURNEY

 

 

Blog

It’s Over 125! But That Is Not the Best Part.

Firstly, wow. I can’t believe it- AHHH! Thank you so much for reading what I have to say. You guys may not know it, but you help make my day 😊.

So thank you very much for that:)

However, (being the party pooper that I am 😝) I’m not as happy about this as I am about other things.

My favorite part about blogging is the people from the blogging community. For it truly is a community, and I love it! There’s a sense of support and empathy with always someone to read what you have to say, and lovely people to interact with.

Ah, the people! The kindness from virtual strangers haha, get it? double meaning…gosh I’m so corny sometimes is almost overwhelming, in the best way possible. It is absolutely lovely how people take the time to try to relate to each other, and comment their opinions, or advice, or encouragement, or compliments… I love it. I love being a part of this, as rewards go both ways.

There are many times when someone has left a comment that makes me smile, or sometimes even makes my day a bit brighter. Imagine that- just a little kindness from an online stranger goes a long way. This makes me realize how similar many of us are, really, and how kind people can be. Isn’t that amazing to think about?

Similarly, I feel so ecstatic whenever I comment something, and the person tells me that I’ve made their day. This is why I’m on here, this is why I’m blogging. I want to be able to relate to other people, let others know that they’re not alone, and maybe make someone happy!

Follows are simply numbers. It is the people that are important to me.

Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for talking to me, for giving me advice and encouragement, for helping me up when I’m feeling down (whether you realize it or not). Thank you for listening to what a random girl on the internet has to say.

Don’t let the numbers get you down,

xoxo, c. 💖


ps. Monday post-itivity coming soon!

pps. if I don’t catch you in my next post today, have a fantastic day! and please do let that blossom into a wonderful week:)

Blog

Award Nominations!/ 5 Blogs I Love

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Hi all!:)

On Monday, I posted news of my nomination for the One Lovely Blog Award. Now, it’s my time to nominate bloggers. This was truly hard, as there are so many fantastic blogs out there and I know how much a blog means to the blogger. I made one piece of my own criteria for nominating- I only nominated the blogs I love with under 200 subscribers. I ultimately named five blogs, listed below. Please check them out, these blogs are fantastic! I truly think that they all are interesting, unique, and well-written. Of course, they are not the only blogs that I love and think are great.

The rules of being nominated:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you, and include a link to their blog
  2. Include the rules of the award and add the blog award badge as an image
  3. Write seven facts about yourself
  4. Nominate at most 15 other bloggers, and let them know

My Nominations (in alphabetical order):

  1. Blue Poetry-The author has beautifully written poetry as well as some posts about her life and thoughts; she is also battling mental health disorders. She is an amazing writer and I’d highly recommend checking out her blog, especially if you are interested in mental health. One of her fantastic poems is I Want to Protect You. I love it!!
  2. Dancers Ballet Life– A teen with a passion for ballet, she writes about her experiences ballet as well as other parts of her life in general. Even if you don’t do ballet (I don’t; if I tried to do ballet, I’d probably topple over like a tree 😂) all her posts about her experiences with ballet are fun and interesting. Her dedication is something to be admired, and her passion really shows through, which is why her blog’s so great!:) I loved her post Five Things Ballet Has Taught Me– it really shows how much a passion can give back to you.
  3. Dreams and Waves XO– From a teenage blogger that writes “a little bit of everything”, her bit of the blogosphere is incredibly interesting. Her blog includes pictures, thoughts and musings, and motivation. It’s a really fun, positive blog and I love it! She’s the one to follow if you’d like to read something light, refreshing, interesting, and/or thoughtful. Here’s her post about her thoughts on Luck, which has some really interesting thoughts and ideas about the said subject.
  4. Musings of a Millennial – An amazing poet who also writes about her mental health, Emma Pratt (username Emma Martine) writes beautiful poetry. Her pieces can speak for themselves- these are two of my favorites- You Have to Run Before You Fly and Bandages. I’d definitely recommend checking out her blog! Somehow, she takes her own ordinary experiences as well as other worldly happenings and shapes them, in lyrical form, into something melodic and meaningful. Her pieces on mental health are also important reads.
  5. They Once Called Her Pumpkin– A great blogger! She writes whatever is on her mind, which sometimes includes her battling with depression, as in her post (personally my favorite) Conquer that Coaster. She also shares some experiences of hers, such as an English assignment in You Say ‘Ruminate’ I Say ‘Illuminate’, which I personally found hilarious and incredibly unique of her. Her writing is unique and interesting, so do check out her blog!

See you on Monday! 😊

xoxo, c.